miss home

Today has been a nostalgic day. perhaps it's the strong memories of Vellore attached to pink floyd, pearl jam and ofcourse that good ol anthem sweet child o' mine that I've been listening to. Calling all the sons (and daughters) of the soil back to the glory days of the batch of '03. Like a messiah. I mean don't get me wrong, things have been looking up for me despite a few setbacks here and there, however for the most part - things look good.

Despite it all, I miss almost long for the carefree days encompassed between August 1999 and May 2003. Weird. I wanted to get out of that "prison" so badly back then. Yet I miss it now. I don't think I can ever go through those 4 years again now, but still miss em.

That brought me to another question - I miss "home". But what is home? I've never lived in one place long enough for me to really get attached to it. I've gone from cannibal island nation (Papua New Guinea) to igloo land (Toronto,Canada) to mylapore (a world within itself) to vellore prison to Vancouver, BC (where the only thing that outnumbers trees are starbucks ) to the armpit of america (NJ).

I look Indian and eat like a pattar, I love India, yet I love Canada just as much. My nationality is Canadian, but I'm living outside New York. I doubt I'd want to go live in India or Canada anytime soon, but I don't see myself making New York my "home" either. I mean I love this city, and honestly, I've never felt so alive as I am in this place but I dunno, we'll jus have to see. Don't find myself wanting to live anywhere in the US outside the new york area either. Given such a predicament, will I ever "root" myself or am I a perpetual vagabond? Destined to globe hop for the rest of my life.

So given the circumstances, it's funny that I miss "home". I thought about it and I realised for me home isn't about the place anymore. The whole world is my home. My home is where I can kick back and relax and be a kid once again, tossing responsibility away for a while.A place where I wont be under constant scrutiny, being evaluated. Where it's ok to not be #1 all the time and a place where I can let my guard down. I realised that my parents' apartment in Mandaveli is home. If they ever move somewhere else, that'll be my new home. So yeah, I miss my parents.

Can't wait till December when I can go "home" for a few weeks. Life has been horribly stressful and there's nothing more I want than to just kick back and relax for a few weeks without a damn care in the world. Oh, I'm also planning on going to Goa when I get to India. Hope it pans out.